HIZI NDIO FAIDA NA HASARA ZA UGOMVI KWENYE UHUSIANO WA MAPENZI

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Kukwaruzana ni jambo la kawaida kwenye mahusiano ya kimapenzi, lakini kuna ugomvi wenye manufaa na unaolenga kubomoa badala ya kujenga. ...

Kukwaruzana ni jambo la kawaida kwenye mahusiano ya kimapenzi, lakini kuna ugomvi wenye manufaa na unaolenga kubomoa badala ya kujenga.
Ugomvi ni nini?
Maana nyepesi ni, “kuwepo kwa fursa ya kufanya jambo la maendeleo.” Kama kuna mada muhimu za kujadiliana au tofauti za kutatua kati yenu, ugomvi unaweza kuibuka. Mtazamo wa kila mmoja pale mikwaruzano inapotokea huathiri sana matokeo ya ugomvi huo kwakuwa mtazamo huo ndio unaofanya ugomvi husika kuwa na manufaa au madhara makubwa kwenye uhusiano.
Ugomvi wenye madhara kwenye uhusiano wenu upoje?
  1. Kama kwenye kila mikwaruzano mwenza wako anakuwa na mtazamo wa “nipo sahihi,” au “umekosea,” na wewe unajaribu kukuthibitishia au kukushawishi mpenzi wako kwamba unachokiona wewe ndio kipo sahihi – basi mnakuwa mmejenga upinzani. Kila mmoja anakuwa hajaweza kuangalia na kuelewa mtazamo wa mwenzake.
  2. Unachokifanya unapokasirishwa, kama kufoka, kumfanya mwenzako hajui kitu, kumkosoa mwenza wako, kununa au kubamiza mlango na kuondoka ni moja ya mifano ya ugomvi usio na manufaa kwenye uhusiano wenu. Tabia za aina hii zitamuudhi mpenzi wako na kufanya iwe ngumu kwake pia kujizuia kukuropokea.
  3. Kujaribu kutafuta suluhisho la ugomvi wenu wakati una hasira. Kwenye hali hiyo, sehemu ya ubongo inayoitwa amygdalin inaanza kufanya kazi na yenyewe inatambua mambo matatu tu: pigana, kaa kimya ay ondoka. Tabia zinazoambatana na mambo hayo matatu ni tabia ambazo tunajifunza kutokana na matatizo tuliyokuwa tunayapata tangu utotoni ambazo tunaziingiza kwenye mahusiano yetu bila kujijua tunapokuwa na hasira au msongo wa mawazo.
  4. Kutatua matatizo yenu ikiwa ndio jambo la kwanza unalowaza mnapohitilafiana. Moja ya sababu kubwa ya njia hii kutofanya kazi ni kwamba mwenza wako (ambaye unataka akubaliane na suluhisho unalolipendekeza) hatakuwa tayari kupokea mawazo yako mpaka hisia zake ziheshimiwe na kusikilizwa. Utaendelea kumuongezea hasira kama hutamsikiliza au kumdharau anachosema.
Ugomvi wenye manufaa kwenye uhusiano wenu upoje?
  1. Kila mmoja ana na mtazamo wa kuwa muwazi na kuwa na shauku ya kusikiliza mawazo ya upande wa pili.
  2. Mnazungumza mada ngumu mkiwa hamna hasira kabisa, hii inafanya hasira zisiwepo hivyo kutofoka pindi jambo linalosemwa likiwa tofauti na mtazamo wako. Unakuwa wazi kutumia ufahamu na akili yako kwenye kujadili mada za aina hii. Kama mligombana kabla, basi jipe walau dakika 30 za kutulia kabla hujaenda kwa mpenzi wako tena.
  3. Unasema kinachokuudhi bila kumtupia lawama, kumsimanga au kumkosoa mwenzio. Ni muhimu sana uhakikishe unasema unachokitaka kwa njia ambayo mpenzi wako atataka kuendelea kukusikiliza. Unapompandishia sauti na kuonesha tabia ya kumdharau, bila shaka utafanya mpenzi wako akasirike na kumfanya asitake kukusikiliza tena.
  4. Kuzungumza kuhusu hofu mlizonazo na kukubali unapokosea. Kwa kawaida, ni rahisi sana kulaumu anachosema au kufanya mwenzako. Wataalamu wa uhusiano wanasema kuwa, katika hofu zetu za kimapenzi, ni asilimia 10 tu ndio zinatokana na mpenzi uliyenaye, zilizobaki zinatokana na hofu zilizojikita kwenye ufahamu wako wakati unakua (zinahusishwa zaidi na familia yako).
  5. Kama unamsikiliza mwenzako. Ni muhimu kuwa wazi na shauku ya kuhusu anachosema mpenzi wako hata kama hukubaliani nacho. Kusikiliza kwa umakini inamaanisha kutomkatisha au kuingilia anachosema wala kumrushia maswali akiwa anaongea. Inamaanisha kurudia alichokisema ukitumia maneno mengine ili kumthibitishia kwamba unamsikiliza na yeye kuwa na uhakika kwamba hudharau anachokisema.

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Zotekali Blog: HIZI NDIO FAIDA NA HASARA ZA UGOMVI KWENYE UHUSIANO WA MAPENZI
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